I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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