Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
