It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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