So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
