If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
