Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
