whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
