Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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