I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
