I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
