There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
MIDGETS
????
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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