this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
