I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
