why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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