He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
