There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Every concussion has its silver lining
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
