Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Your face is a jimmy john
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
