I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
