I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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