I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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