i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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