turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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