Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
