She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
