wanna go halves on a baby?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
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