Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
