I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I have tasted many bathrooms
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
