I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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