he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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