Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
