For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You made out with two different species that night
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I know her cup size but not her name....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
