Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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