Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
