i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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