ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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