he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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