She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
