The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
