Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
