i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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