I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
