I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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