We won't sleep together?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
