It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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