This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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