Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
honey bunches of taint.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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