D3 body, D1 cock
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I look better un-naked...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
