wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
