I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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