Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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