dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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