some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
