What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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