I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
