Swine flu is the new snow day.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
