I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
