I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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