You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
